Things genuinely started to level out by last Thursday, I felt, and I'd resigned myself to spending the next several weeks tending to the 'lil one before she became anything like self-sufficient. Where things went wrong I haven't the faintest. I did away with the heat pad-lined box as it was too confining and instead set up the pad on the floor of my closet with towels and a couple of clean undershirts to act as a bed. When I couldn't be here during the day she'd be in there (I spent my lunch breaks at home for feeding, of course) and when I was home reading or on the computer she'd be on my lap or beside me. I made sure she never shivered from lack of heat.
I found some special newborn cat milk at the local pet store last week and she'd greedily drink it from the dropper. However, on Saturday that amount began to steadily decline until the midnight feeding on Sunday when she was down to one dropper of milk from a previous high point of six droppers. She just refused any more than that. She started sleeping a lot too.
Other than the vets at livestock auction yards on the east side of town I haven't found a pet veterinarian in Kusu yet, but I wouldn't really be able to afford one anyways. My supervisor warned me of another problem with me, a foreigner, taking animals to the vet, but I only scarcely understood what she meant. I don't think the problem was digestive toxicity since I was helping her go to the bathroom every now and then. Maybe something related to the bizarre eye scabs.
*****
Pet husbandry, I imagine, can only scarcely be compared with caring for an actual child, but it's still daunting. Perhaps ratcheting up the difficulty and anxiety by several orders of magnitude would get close to an approximation, I don't really know. Whatever the case, I'm still left with a newfound appreciation and respect for my parents and the phenomenal effort given to raise me and my sister. We humans are helpless and physically dependent for so much longer than cats, and then there's the financial dependency and the bullshit mischief we stack up like a rotten layer cake--reproduction and the human condition are a barely penetrable mystery to me.Anyways, there's an infinite quantity of things I can say about how I was raised--I wrote and erased about ten of them in this space already as there's just no way to concisely express them--but the most important is simply to say that whatever you did, mom and dad, it worked. I'm alive here writing this, and though my heart is filled with a terrible sadness over the loss of this kitten I can't fathom trading it for any other life.
--Matt
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4 comments:
Please accept my condolences. You did your best and gave it a better chance than it would have had without you there.
That was seriously one of the saddest stories. I didn't expect it my first time visiting your blog since you arrived in Japan.
Your kitty was so cute, I'm really sorry.
I myself am trying to take care of a hummingbird who broke its beak halfway off. Its tongue is all shriveled up and narly looking.
I call him CHAMP because he still is around, even after 2 months of discovering him in this terrible predicament. He even chases away other hummingbirds from the feeders on the patio. But he charges on, and he's an adult, not a helpless kitten who never got to see the world.
I think you did all you could do. I never thought you'd be the nursing type. Remember you did kill a ladybug on Urian's hand once, for no damn reason.
hehe
I am really glad you had that cute fuzzball to care for this short time. Yeah, sometimes we don't get what we expect regardless of our best efforts. However, a good heart like yours eventually holds the experience in all its aspects as a beautiful moment that brings personal enrichment. Love, Mom
From Dad: Matt, I am sorry your little white kitten lost his fight with life. I remember over a year ago when you lived in San Francisco and we had to tell you your old fluffy deaf black cat, BC, died. We gave her a proper burial and short service in our local pet cemetary in our backyard. You have always had a special place in your heart for needy cats.
Mom and I appreciate your acknowledgement in your blog of how you were raised. She even read it outloud here at the office for everyone to hear. Let me set the record straight, however, on raising you. We did NOT have to feed you with droppers. I had it really easy compared to Mom, who fed you as an infant as only mothers can. You were a colicky baby so we did lose some sleep early on.
You were a bit mischievous but I only recall a call from your fifth grade teacher and the parish priest. No police ever got involved and the house is still standing.
The litmus paper test of how we raised you and your sister is in how you are as adults. You both are fun loving, enjoy life, are respected by many, and are leaving a positive mark in this world. The fact that you tried to help the little white cat is another example that perhaps we imparted somthing good in you.
Thank you for recognizing the efforts of Mom & me in raising you and Kelly. It is gratifying hear it from you. Seeing how you both turned out as caring, loving people would be satisfying for any parent. I happen to be YOUR and Kelly's father and am proud to say it.
You did the best you could for the kitten. He wandered around in your apartment and experienced your care and attention. He was fortunate to have you in his short life.
With Love, Dad
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