Dreams I've Had

A while ago...

I'm in Kusu and coming out of the breakfast buffet at the massive Mori JHS student dorms (which doesn't exist) when my cousin, Manuel, suddenly shows up. There's a Renaissance Fair/flea market in town and we both walk over to see what's for sale. In one of the tents they're showing the preview to the next Harry Potter movie, which is much more raunchy and Porky's-like than I recall the previous HP flicks being. There were women at bowling alleys being attacked by wacky cursed vibrators if that gives you any indication for what the preview was all about. After the preview we walk around the fair until an Andre the Giant-sized nerdy  shopkeeper cheats my cousin out of some money and I start arguing with him, finally laying into him with a folding chair.

Then the alarm.

Last week...

I'm in some seaside condo Yuppieville kind of place with Maia and Vania, an ALT in Hita who hails from New Zealand. Not sure what we're doing there, but all of the sudden Vania tells us that she used to be a big child movie star in NZ and the three of us get launched into a black and white flashback to the exact scene she was famous for--at the beach, in the rain, child-Vania stumbles into a sandy depression filled with washed up seaweed and begins to cry. After the flashback we all drive somewhere, like, just around the corner and when we get out of the car again I accidentally ding some douchebag's Lexus with my car door. Said douchebag, sensing his car has been wanged, exits a condo complex in a tizzy and kidnaps Maia, tossing her into the back seat of his douchbag friend's waiting Humvee. With Flash-like speed I dash over and hop in too. In addition to Maia the back seat is occupied by a couple of skanky blondes, but I ignore that and proceed to choke the shit out of the driver.

Last week also...

Some gangsters killed my "good friend" (I don't know who he was really, just that he was my "good friend") and I'm devastated. Looking for solace I try converting to the Jewish faith and attend synagogue. By the way, at some point I track down the man or men who killed my friend before attending synagogue. While there I notice that there are many black Jews in the congregation, but they're all sitting in the back. The Jewish faith is somewhat racist in my dreams I suppose. Well, I interrupt everything and call the rabbi down to tell him what's up and he asks if I know who did it, to which I respond 'yes'. (The following is in that sterotypical rabbi's voice we see in the movies so often, i.e. Benicio DelToro at the beginning of Snatch) "Well, why didn't you say this before, let's go kill the the bastards. You know, it's Thursday and to us Jews it's OK to kill on Thursday."

Last night...

World War II wasn't fought in the Pacific against America and Japan, it was America vs. China somehow, and America just won. Though I vaguely recall something about seducing a female Chinese general into giving occupying forces some bit of data that's not really the important thing. As I stride through the streets of devastated Shanghai a triumphant Richard Nixon runs up with two matching plastic buckets, hands me one and starts running down the street flinging the contents into the non-crowds of Chinese people yelling "Sanity has returned! I have meat business cards for everyone! It's OK again because meat business cards are here!" Naturally I join in the flinging of said meaty cards.